


Valentine's Disasters

by Kanra_chan



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Crack, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, No Angst, Oneshot, Poisons, Shinra is a complicated little butt, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, all fluff, also good friend, bad friend, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 14:52:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13683930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanra_chan/pseuds/Kanra_chan
Summary: When Shizuo comes to Shinra for advice on how to confess, Shinra has some...interesting ideas.For Valentine's day 2018!





	Valentine's Disasters

**Author's Note:**

> READ THE END NOTES IMPORTANT!
> 
> Happy Valentine's day everyone! Hope you enjoy <3 Sorry this is late, I've been busy cooking a special meal for the fam! There MIGHT be another one today, but it also might be late. It's not complete, so I guess we'll see how the day plays out.
> 
> Also, happy birthday to Mairu and Kururi! (I'd forgotton, until I read Chosha's cute little oneshot XD )

Shinra was many things. Cheerful, smart, optimistic, kind, oblivious, and very possessive of the ones he loved. And when you considered those he loves, Celty comes to mind right away. She’s the headless love of his life, of course, his number one! He’d do anything and everything to keep her happy, safe, and by his side. Forever.

But… was there anyone else he cared for, even a fraction as much as he cared for Celty?

Surprisingly, yes, there was. Izaya Orihara, a devilish man of many talents and his best friend since middle school. Now Shinra wasn’t one to dote on his friend, quite the opposite even, as he often acted totally detached and unconcerned with their friendship. And he almost never went out of his way to help, comfort, protect, or even sympathize with the man unless it meant something in return for him. (or better yet, for Celty)

“I just want to do something special… Some grand gesture so he knows I’m not messing around,” Shizuo sighs, taking a sip from the tea Shinra had prepared for the two of them. Jasmine, with extra sugar just as Shizuo liked it, and Shinra wished he’d thought to put rat poison in instead.

As for never helping or protecting Izaya, this would be a rare exception.

“I see.” Shinra smiles kindly, grateful for the first and likely only time that Celty was out of the house, forcing Shinra to listen to Shizuo’s troubles. His blond acquaintance had just confessed to having feelings for his longtime friend, and ideas for how to confess. With Shinra being a romantic at heart, and Valentines day coming up, he was sure to have a good idea to help Shizuo, right?

No chance in hell. He was not going to aid in getting his somewhat close friend a tempermental, dangerous, inhuman boyfriend. Friends, sure, he’d wanted them to become friends for a long time! But lovers? No way. Shizuo would end up hurting Izaya which would upset Shinra, and Izaya would then hurt Shizuo which would upset Celty, and that would upset Shinra even more! There was no foreseeable way for it to end well.

“I have an idea,” Shinra speaks up, leaning forward to grasp his still warm cup of tea and breath in the sweet aroma. “You know how he knows a few different languages? Quite a few, actually.”

“Really?” He looks impressed, and apparently this was news to Shizuo. If he didn’t even know that, how could he ever expect to date Izaya seriously?

“Yes.” Idiot. “You should confess to him in French! Romantic, right? I can send you the link to a wonderful website, you could learn what you want to say in just a day, assuming you keep it to just a few sentences and have a good memory.”

“That actually sounds like a good idea. Thank you,” Shizuo says sincerely, finishing his tea and standing up with new determination.

“Certainly.” Shinra walks Shizuo to the door, then goes back to collect their empty cups and rinse them out. He sends Shizuo the link as promised, perhaps a little too pleased with how it went.

* * *

 

 “So, Shizuo,” Shinra starts, setting down a cup of tea before a visibly depressed blond. Green tea, this time, with less sugar and just the tiniest dash of rat poison. It won’t hurt him, it would barely make the average person sick, but it’s still satisfying. “How did things go with Izaya?”

“...He had no idea what I said,” Shizuo grunts, reaching for the tea and taking a few sips with a sigh. “Doesn’t speak French. It’s like one of the only ones he doesn’t speak, apparently.”

“And did you translate to him what you said?”

“Couldn’t do it,” Shizuo sighs. “I ended up bein too embarrassed.” He frowns down at his tea, and it makes Shinra smile. He can’t quiet make it properly sympathetic, but with Shizuo looking down it hardly matters. Izaya knew English, Russian, Spanish, Italian, German, Chinese, and was currently working on Portuguese, but not French.

Maybe that was a little cruel.

“Oh dear. Well, maybe I can introduce you to someone,” Shinra suggests cheerfully, and Shizuo looks up at him.

“I’m not givin up.” Shizuo throws back the rest of his tea, determination shining through his gaze once again. “I just need to try somethin else.”

“...what? But did you humiliate yourself?” Shinra leans forward as Shizuo looks up in surprise, eyebrows drawing down a bit.

“No? He just laughed and said he never learned french so I told him I hated him and walked away.”

“...that’s the exact opposite of confessing,” Shinra points out. “Now he thinks you hate him.”

“Eh, he already thought that.” Well, that was probably true. “It should be something big...maybe I could buy him somethin?”

“No! Don’t do that, he hates gifts!” Shinra knew that wasn’t true, Izaya adored anything his humans gave him, in good favor or not. Once he called Shinra, boasting about about a severed hand a dangerous group had sent him.

“The watch he was wearing still works, even!” He had been far too excited about that. Surely a nice gift, even one from Shizuo, would please the narcissistic man.

“Really…?” Shizuo looked skeptical.

“Well, material gifts anyway. He says they take up too much space,” Shinra reasoned, hoping his lie was plausible. Shizuo seemed to buy it.

“I see,” the blonde mumbled, eyebrows drawing down. He placed a hand to his chin in thought. “Then, would a sentimental gift work?”

“Um...what did you have in mind?”

“I could, I could write how I feel on a street sign and bring it to him!” Shizuo exclaims suddenly, and Shinra quickly shakes his head.

“No, no! Uh...um. Oh, I know, dancing!” He beams at Shizuo who, again, appears to be skeptical. “He’s a graceful guy, right? Wouldn’t such a man be skilled in dance if he could  run up walls and outrun even you? Hell,I’ve seen him literally twirl out of the way of vending machines.”

“Yeah…” Shizuo nods, setting down his empty tea cup with a thankful nod. “I’ll try that, thanks.”

“No problem.” Shinra waved goodbye, wondering vaguely how long it would be before Shizuo learned Izaya had two left feet.

* * *

 

 The next tea to be served was cherry blossom with actual crushed cherry pits in it. It only took three pits to kill most people. Well, probably. He’d read about it online, and didn’t know the exact dose, but it sounded pretty deadly.

But then again, Shizuo wasn’t exactly normal.

“We nearly died. Well, he nearly died,” Shizuo amended. He was taking depressed little sips from his cup, head bowed and metaphorical rain clouds gathered around him.

“What happened?” Shinra asked, a little angrily.  
“...I thought, since we always fight high up, that dancing on the bridge would be romantic. Not only can he not dance, apparently, he can’t swim.” Shizuo sighed again, setting his half drained cup down and slumping back against the couch. “He’s fine, but I bet he’s pissed enough to want to kill me.”

"I’m not surprised.” Shinra knew his smile was probably a little too tense, eyebrow twitching a little too much, but he couldn’t help it. “You did almost kill him.”

“Ugh…” Shizuo groaned, looking more depressed by the minute.

“Well, I’m sure that was a hard realization to come to.” That cheered Shinra up a little, and he pushed Shizuo’s teacup towards him with a brighter grin. The blond wasn’t showing any signs of pain yet, but Shinra assumed it would take more than that to really hurt him.

“What realization?” Shizuo asked. He ignored the offered tea, eyeing it with disinterest.

“That you two aren't meant to be together.” Shinra had a sip of his own tea, smiling at the blond. It tasted a bit weird, and he wondered briefly if he put too little sugar.

“What? No. I’m going to keep trying,” Shizuo protested strongly, sitting up a bit. Shinra sighed, setting his tea down to shift closer to the blond. He reached across the table, placing a hand on Shizuo’s knee with the fake intention of comfort.

“Shizuo, all this is surely distressing to Izaya. Don’t you think?” He asked calmly. Shizuo shot him a look of guilt. “If this keeps on, you’ll only be causing him more trouble.”

“...one more time. I’ll try one more time, and if it doesn’t work…” He trailed off, reaching to knock back the rest of his tea as if it were a shot and he was looking for confidence. “Maybe...Maybe I’ll make something?” Shizuo frowned at himself, probably realizing that it wasn’t a very good plan.

“Confession Concessions!” Shinra exclaimed suddenly. “You know the store. They sell sweets where you can add a personal message inside, thanks to those special little tubes they created. You can put love notes and similar things in, and some people even put jewelry inside.”

“They’re awfully expensive though...and the dancing lessons weren’t cheap.” Shizuo frowns, and Shinra smiles back confidently.

“They’re having a sale; half off all purchases for valentines day,” he informed him proudly. “If you keep it short and sweet, you could easily afford one of those simple little cakes right?” A cake that Izaya would hate, considering his strong dislike of sweets.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Great!” He claps his hands together, excited. “Just make sure you get it sent anonymously and in a plain box without the company logo.” The more anonymous, the more suspicious and danger it will seem.

“Why?”

So he won’t keep it.

“So it’ll be a romantic surprise!” Shinra smiled through a sudden ache of pain in his stomach. Uh oh…

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Shizuo smiles for the first time since his visit, thanking him and heading out eagerly. Shinra rushes to the bathroom as soon as he’s gone, doubling over and vomiting the contents of his stomach. It seems he got Shizuo’s tea mixed with his own…

At least he had Celty to rub his back and and comfort him. She punched him when he asked her to dress up like a nurse, though.

Worth it.

* * *

 

 The next day, Valentines day to be exact, Shizuo was lying facedown on Shinra’s couch and hadn't moved in twenty minutes. He hadn’t touch his tea, either. It was peppermint, spiked with a touch of numbing agent and a side of sponge cake containing finely crushed up pieces of glass.

“Don’t you want your cake, Shizuo?” Shinra sighed, thinking of how long it took to get the glass that fine. “Maybe a sip of tea first? Before the cake?” He wouldn’t want Shizuo to feel any glass shards, after all.

“No.”

“Come now,” he sighed again, feeling a touch of worry deep inside. Shizuo was still his friend, and very important to Celty. Refusing sweets wasn’t like him. “Maybe it’ll cheer you up? I could even get you a regular slice…?”

Shizuo lifted his head slightly to give him a suspicious look. “What’s wrong with that one?”

“It looks a little dry,” Shinra lied with a smile. The doorbell rang, then, but both men ignored it.

“Whatever. I don’t want cake.” Shizuo allowed his head to flop back onto the couch with a heavy sigh.

“So, tell me. What happened?”

“I was headed to his apartment, to see if he got the note yet...and I saw it thrown in the dumpster. I didn’t think he’d be so disgusted…” Shizuo groaned into the couch, words a bit muffled when he shoved his face deeper as if he were trying to hide.

There was a knock at the door, but again they both ignored it. Unless it was Celty Shinra was busy and didn’t feel like patching up gangsters at that moment.

“It was stupid…” Shizuo mumbled, and Shinra looked up when he heard a faint rattling of the lock being picked. Knowing it could be only one person, he rattled his own plate and cup together to cover it up. The door swung open quietly, Izaya stepping in with an annoyed grimace and a hand on his hip. Shinra brought his finger to his lips, telling the informant to stay quiet. Thankfully, Izaya obeyed, creeping closer on skillfully silent feet.

“What was stupid, Shizuo?” Shinra asked Shizuo loudly.  
“All of it. Thinking he and I would ever work. He hates me even more now…” Shizuo groaned again. Shinra glanced at Izaya, who of course had his phone out to record the blond’s words.

“You and Izaya?” Shinra inquired, grinning when the informant nearly choked on air, stumbling a little in surprise.

“Yeah, who else?” Shizuo sat up, glaring at him a little, apparently oblivious to Izaya’s presence in his sad state. Plus, the tea containing the numbing agent had a strong smell, likely helping to mask Izaya’s scent from the beastly blond. Izaya himself had a hand covering his mouth tightly, lest he say anything and give himself away “Haven’t you been listening to me?”

“Oh yes, I’ve been listening. You’ve been wanting to confess to Izaya for the past week and a half, right?” . Shinra wondered if his plan to allow Izaya to hear this was cruel. Without gifts or any sort of romantic gesture, Shizuo just appeared pathetic and cowardly. And when he seriously considered it, what were the chances Izaya would return Shizuo’s feelings?

“Is this true, Shizu-chan?” Izaya asked, coming around the couch. The blond startled visibly, looking at his so called enemy with a mix or horror and embarrassment. “You like me?”

“...Yeah. You got a problem with that?” Shizuo did what he did best, resorting to anger when he didn’t know what else to do.

“Shizu-chan really feels that way about me…?”

“I said yeah! I’ve been in love with you for awhile now, so what?! You wanna laugh at me? Tease me? Tell me how... pathetic I-I am. What. What are you doing?” Shizuo leaned back on the couch nervously as Izaya crawled upon it, halfway on top of the blond. They looked at each other steadily, Izaya searching for any signs of lies and Shizuo searching for any signs of hope.

He leaned in, suddenly, giving Shizuo a lingering kiss as the final test. Shizuo didn’t hesitate to return it. Finally, Izaya pulled back enough to simply plop down in Shizuo’s lap with a grin. “Awesome. You’re taking me out on a date then, right now.”

“Wha-? Right now?” Shizuo gasped, unconsciously shifting a little to allow his soon to be date a more comfortable position on his thighs.

“Well, in five minutes. Maybe ten. It’s cold outside and Shinra has coffee,” Izaya amended happily. “Oh, and I’m paying. I want to go somewhere nice for our first date.”

“Hey, wait a minute!” Shinra protested, hardly believing what he was seeing. Unfortunately, he went ignored.

“What about the cake?” Shizuo asked quietly, and Izaya gave a scrunched little look of disgust.

“I hate sponge cake. Actually, I hate all sweets. You should know that now, since we’re dating.”

“That’s why you threw it out,” at Izaya’s slightly confused glance, he elaborated, “I sent you a message cake, from that new Bakery, but I saw it in the dump on the way to your house…”

“Oh! Huh, and here I thought it was just Namie’s fifth attempt to poison me.” Izaya laughed, bright and cheerful. “Well we can get it on the way back to my place after our date. You can eat it.” He winked, knowing the implication was strong enough that even Shizuo would pick up on it.

“You think I’d eat dumpster cake?” Shizuo asked, slightly offended.

“Well, if you’re willing to kiss a trash bag,” Shinra grumbled, nodding his head at Izaya. Shizuo promptly chucked his teacup, still full, at the doctors head. “Hey!”

“Shizu-chan, let’s head out! I’m hungry,” Izaya whined playfully, moving off Shizuo so they could get up. “Be a dear and go grab my coat? I need a word with our dear friend.”

“But you’re wearin’ your coat…” Shizuo pointed out. Still, he did as told and left the living room to pretend to look for Izaya’s coat.

“I don’t know what you’ve done…” Izaya purred as soon as he was out of earshot. “But I, at the very least, don’t appreciate the glass in my Shizu-chan’s treat.” He smiled, reaching down to stick the pad of his finger in Shizuo’s uneaten sponge cake. He then held up his bloody finger.

“How did you know...?” Shinra smiled guilty, handing Izaya a napkin.

“I could see it glittering the whole time. You didn’t make it nearly fine enough, don’t you think he would have noticed?” Izaya scolded lightly.

“There was something to numb his mouth a bit in the tea.”

“Hmm…” Izaya leaned close to Shinra this time, smirking dangerously. “It only took a week and a half to get my lover, and it took you years to get Celty. And he was chasing me! Since I’m sure that really stings, I’ll let this go.” Shinra bristled as Izaya waved goodbye, glaring at his back.

“Celty was just shy, that’s all!” Shinra cried as his front door door closed behind the two most powerful men in Ikebukuro. “Our love is stronger than anyone's!”

...Tch. See if he tries to protect Izaya ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, happy Valentine's day! I hope that was okay and not confusing. I kind of wonder if everything made sense? 
> 
> Anyway, please comment below! If you do, Kanra-chan will give you a special Valentine's day message and a love song recommendation that I think fits you! OR a song about dogs, of you prefer! <3 It's the least I can do, since I can't make you guys anything! ;-; If I could, I'd give you guys all the cookies and cakes and sweets your hearts could desire!!
> 
> If any of you out there are sad about being single on Valentine's day, I hope this cheered you up There is absolutely no shame in being single or not having a date. You all are wonderful and will find your perfect match when the time is right <3 You know, if you want love that is. 
> 
> Or a dog. The perfect dog might come along too. Or nachos, yummm
> 
> <3 <3 <3


End file.
